Bachelor Mother

Quotes: « David Merlin: So how do you like her? » « Louise King: [Thinking Polly speaks only Swedish.] Pretty good for a fill-in. I'd just as soon go stag. » « Polly: You could, too, with those shoulders. » « Freddie: [to J.B] Mr. Merlin, I'll tell you that I know what I'm talkin' about. Your son put me up to this and he's the father! » « David Merlin: Dad, this is the truth; he's the father. » [points to Jerome] « Jerome Weiss: I'm not the father. » « J.B. Merlin: I don't care who the father is, I'm the grandfather! » « David Merlin: [Reads from a book on raising children, telling Polly how to feed the baby.] After the food is prepared, the mother will, A, get a spoon. » « Polly: Wonderful! How'd he ever think of that? » « David Merlin: Now please, don't be so smart. Just do as he says – get a spoon. » « Polly: [She holds up the spoon she had been using to feed the baby.] Spoon! » « David Merlin: B, take a spoonful of the food and place it upon a piece of gauze… piece of gauze? » « Polly: What for? » « David Merlin: Uh, please, just do as he says. It's quite possible that man with 20 years experience might know what he's talking about. » [Polly gets a piece of gauze.] « David Merlin: Piece of gauze. » « Polly: [She puts the baby food from the spoon onto the gauze.] Next? » « David Merlin: Gently rub into the navel. » [Both look incredulous.] « Polly: Whaaat? » « David Merlin: [Checks books; speaks matter-of-factly.] Gently rub into the navel. » « Polly: Well, that's ridiculous. » « David Merlin: No, it isn't. It's probably to get the child's stomach accustomed to the temperature of the food. I think it's very logical. » « Polly: My, I've never heard of such a thing. » « David Merlin: And in the future, all children are going to be brought up like this – scientifically. » « Polly: Here, let me look at this. » [She takes the book from David.] « David Merlin: Oh, I read very well; I've been doing it for years. » « Polly: I read a little too. » [She flips back a page.] « Polly: Take a spoonful of food… » [Flips page.] « Polly: … and place on a piece of gauze and gently rub… into… the » [Voice trails off.] « Polly: Hmm-huh. » « David Merlin: [Smugly.] You read very well » « Polly: Well, I don't care what it says; I don't believe it. » « David Merlin: Oh, please. Don't tell me you know more about it than a man with 20 years' experience and a printed book on the subject. » « Polly: Well, I'm certainly not going to rub any oatmeal into this baby's navel. Who does this … » [Baby cries; Polly looks at the baby.] « Polly: Yeesss. » [Polly looks back at the book.] « Polly: Who does this doctor Eagleman, Eaglefoot, or whatever his name is think he is… » [She discovers two pages are stuck together; gives David a look of disgust.] « David Merlin: [Contritely.] Oh. Oh, what do you know about that. » « Polly: [Looks up from book and smirks at David.] Hmph. » [Looks back to book and reads.] « Polly: To relieve gas from a child's stomach, take a spoonful of warm oil and … » [Turns page.] « Polly: … place on a piece of gauze and gently rub into the navel. » « David Merlin: Heh-heh. I think it's very funny. » « Polly: It certainly is. I suppose if it had said "Hang baby by neck", you'd have thought it very scientific. I'll feed the baby my own way. »