Johnson Family Vacation

Quotes: « Nate Johnson: You know, son, the only reason I'm hard on you is, well, because one day you'll wear the pants in your own family, people will depend on you, and how can they do that if your pants are all hanging off your behind? I mean, have you thought about what you gonna do if this whole rap thing didn't work out? » « D.J. Johnson: Well, I was thinking about law school » [Nate smiles in agreement] « D.J. Johnson: or medical school » [Nate nods in agreement] « D.J. Johnson: but then Mom says she'll help me incorporate » [Nate looks over at Dorothy, who's sleeping] « D.J. Johnson: so I was thinking about coming out with my own line of hip-hop pajamas. » « Nate Johnson: [looks at him] Pajamas? » « D.J. Johnson: You know, how Puffy has SeanJohn and then Jigga has Rockawear? » « Nate Johnson: Oh, my days! » « D.J. Johnson: D.J.'s PJs, baggy always! » [laughs to himself] « D.J. Johnson: Bad! » « Nate Johnson: I told your mother not to stand by the microwave when she was pregnant with you! » [D.J. looks puzzled] « Nate Johnson: [Nate walks through the hotel lobby naked, and runs into a white family] Hey, Don, Judy! How you guys doing? It's a fine evening. Hey, why don't you get rid of the clothes and the kids? We're all playing butt-naked Uno up in 304. » « Glorietta Johnson: We gon' let Mack and Nate pray, uh, see which one of'em was paying more attention in Sunday School. » « Mack Johnson: Well, well, I guess since I'm the oldest I go first. » « Nate Johnson: Fine, all right, everyone, uh, bow your heads and close your ears. » « Mack Johnson: Yo' eyes, err'ybody close yo' eyes, Gracious God, I come to you as humbly as I know how, Praising you and giving you thanks, for bringing us together yet another year, helpin' us come together to help celebrate my victory, and Nate's agony of defeat, let us eat! » « Nate Johnson: Father God, we thank you for allowing us to come together and share with one another. Father we know that you created the birds that fly and gave the dog the voice to bark » [arrf, Nate barks] « Nate Johnson: , but you wouldn't have to create the sun if you knew that Mack was gon' be sittin over there in that bright-yellow shirt lookin' all sunny-side-up like a Rootie Tootie Fresh and Fruity! » « Mack Johnson: Oh Lord, Lord, Lord, We, Father God, also realize that dat's how I know ain't no way you had nuttin' to do with creating that tacky, gangsta-lookin wheel-spinning SUV that Uncle Earl had to drag outta here! » « Nate Johnson: [interrupting Mack] Hol' hol' hold up, Father, Hold up, wait a minute, what about the time you put the Pepto-Bismol in the Kool-Aid and errybody had diarrhea for supper, don't let me have to mention that to Mama! » « Mack Johnson: [interrrupting Nate] Hol' on, what about the time that you burned down all the bushes 'round the house, cuz you got tired of goin' outside and gettin' yo own switch? » « Nate Johnson: [interrupting Mack] AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH,FAAAAAAATHHHHERRRRRR AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAHA, need I have to remind Mack while Mama standin here that uh, he the one that had Nannette Green in the backroom and was doin the nasty on Mama's good quilt, and that's why she couldn't get them stains off it? » « Glorietta Johnson: [interrupting Mack] In Jesus name, let's eat. » « Mack Johnson: But, Mama… » « Glorietta Johnson: [interrupting Mack] Nah-uh. » « Mack Johnson: But Mama, look… » « Glorietta Johnson: Y'all jus' got through praying, don't let me cuss up in here. » « Nate Johnson: 'Memba it was that lamp head I broke. » « Glorietta Johnson: [interrupting Mack and Nate] Uhh-uh, I got all the stories now, it's great. »